Web Development

Journal

Generosity

Posted on March 27th, 2006, in the small hours

I find that I take what God gives - opportunities, relationships, possessions, responsibilities, positions - and use them for my own ends. The fear of being pushed out rises up in me and I try to carve out some territory in which I'm definitely needed. I fight fiercely over small boundary issues in the hope that I can defend the bulk of my ground.

All of which is ridiculous, and ridiculous for several reasons:

Firstly, in doing so I forget that I only have these things through God's generosity. I truly get to thinking that the opportunities, possessions and positions are rightfully mine. There's a telling passage in Tolkien's The Silmarillion that highlights this particular folly:

Fëanor, an elf king, has made gems (called Silmarils) that contain ancient light:

Fëanor began to love the Silmarils with a greedy love, and grudge the sight of them to all save his father and his seven sons; he seldom remembered now that the light within them was not his own.

Tolkien, The Silmarillion

This is truly vanity: to hold selfishly what you have received freely.

Secondly, it doesn't work anyway. Someone stronger may come along and not only defeat me in the border skirmishes, but completely overwhelm my carefully guarded ground. Even if that never happens, my small riches will sooner turn to dust in my hands than sustain me forever.

Thirdly, (and perhaps most significantly for me right now) is that in doing so both I and people around me are kept smaller than God might want us to be.

If I waste my life defending my small territory there is no opportunity to grow into new things. I fear losing my place, but if God made space for me from nothing in the first place then he can again.

For me, this challenge has got harder with every new thing. Every new thing has been more valuable than the last, and my desire to greedily hold on to it has increased in proportion.

I want to develop a releasing and generous attitude to what I have been given.